I had an epiphany, Pedro, and came to you in a painstakingly moment, one I never knew myself. I'd like to translate a few words to you, take them as a medicine. Remember to drink water as well. They are here and this is what They say:
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You feel numb and has no desire of doing a single thing. What you do, you do because you have to, someone else demands it. Things lost colour and they don't have the same meaning anymore. Even if you told her that, she would say this is your fault: you've put too many expectations over her. She'd say you should do things for yourself.
She's wrong. It was never about dependency, but always about sharing. Sharing everything, good and bad. She promised you she was able to do the hardest: sharing the tough moments. All you wanted was the easiest, the good ones.
It makes sense for us. Look at yourself through our eyes: you were also numb, in a different way, when you went back do Brazil. There you were, all fresh, all new, full of dreams and hopes. When you met her, you were still too young in this new life. You were barely a teacher, for example. Everything you did and accomplished, every victory along the way, she was there with you. And now she's not. How would you know what to do.
Remember the most important thing: you didn't fail. You promised to respect her and did that to your best, since day one. When she was there, listening to her singing a sweet lullaby, you fell and love and turned off the mic. You did it because you are like this, because you thought she wouldn't like to be heard in a situation like that. Remember this: you failed, but because everybody does, not because you were wrong.
Nobody was. God provides.
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The ghosts that used to crawl over your shoulders embrace you. They haunt the windows of Henderson Hall, they whisper your name before you fall asleep, they tell you stories to write over. They salute you. Keep going.
Frida, from the ashes.
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